I count myself lucky to live in a place where all four seasons make themselves known. There is something so comforting about the rhythm of the natural world and even though it is unpredictable on a day to day basis, I appreciate that (at least in this part of the USA) in spring there will be rain and flowers, in summer there will be heat and fruit, in fall there will be chilly days and in winter there will be snow. It is woven into my core, this cycle of seasons, and I didn’t realize how much I loved it until I spent years living in the southern hemisphere where “spring” meant trees losing their leaves and Christmas was in the blaze of summer.
My understanding of seasons is more nuanced now. I try to embrace them as they come, knowing that there will probably be unexpected twists and turns. Learning this has helped me navigate seasons across my life, especially in marriage and parenting. Right now, Jeff and I are in a season of strain, not because of our relationship, but because of our circumstances. He is travelling a crazy amount for work and instead of holding down the home front while he flies all over the globe, I’ve planned a matching series of trips stateside. He has to fly much further, but I will have more luggage, as well as two small humans to manage. Both of us appreciate what the other is doing, but we are necessarily having to do these things solo. As someone who thrives on a team, this is really hard for me, but it is what it is. Instead of letting this season take me down, I have decided to lean on my friends and family to help me through. A dear friend and I drove to Central Oregon to explore the Bend area as well as Crater Lake Naional Park during Jeff’s last trip to Africa. We drove to up to Seattle for a sleepover at Tia Lynn’s and have made sure to see our Newberg people as much as possible. When he flew to Peru two weeks ago, I packed up the girls and we went to Lake George for a week. Though I got hit by a sinus infection that kept me out of the water, the girls were in heaven between the dock fun and the cousin love. And in July we’ll head to Colorado for an extended visit while Jeff does one last circle of the globe. I don’t want to sugar coat this. It has been really hard. Adela isn’t as flexible of a traveler as her big sister, which is a dynamic that took me by surprise. Being away and being home both come with real challenges when I’m the only parent and I’m really worn out. But this is just a season and we are trying to make the most of it, even though it is the opposite of ideal to be spending so much time apart.
Recognizing seasons and their come-and-go nature has also helped me calm down as a parent. Someone told us when Rayna was a newborn that in parenting, when things are really bad, just hang on, because they will get better; but also, when things are really going well, hang on, because that can only last so long. And it is SO true! There have been seasons where my eldest daughter and I just did not get along. She was learning how to speak/assert herself and I was learning how to listen/let her be who she is, and it got ugly at times. Thankfully, we have come out of that season and she now speaks fluently and I think she is wonderful, even if she is not at all the child I expected to be raising. Just as Rayna and I came to a peace treaty, Adela’s two-year-old-nature entered the scene and now my tiny, sweet girl can turn into a furious, screaming tyrant at the drop of a hat. In the last couple of weeks, she has dissolved into angry tears because she did not like the milk cup I offered her, because the banana she was holding broke, and because I asked her to put a shirt on. And so it goes. This season is challenging and I know we will weather it fine, as long as I can find a better hiding spot for the sharpie markers and convince her to let me put her PJs on backwards.
Just like the seasons in my garden, there will be growing and draining, fruit and weeds, even death and resurrection in this life. I’ll take all of it, every single day. Because beneath all of the chaos and strain, separation and travel, these are seasons of love. XOXO, Jessie
Pearls and Pines 